I haven’t written anything I’ve kept in months…I haven’t blogged, knitted, or painted either. I could explain why, the way the days all slide together, the awkward antipathy my friends bare towards my expression of anything unrelated to boys and vodka…or perhaps unrelated to them (“ugh Selissa you’re so ______. You make me feel so stupid.) I have been sucked into a world I am not entirely comfortable in, for people I don’t entirely understand.
I lack focus. I have as of recently lacked the will to have the focus. But I don’t look my best when I’m dithering. I am a no hesitation, go out there and get the whole damn universe kind of girl. I need that, otherwise there is nothing that I recognize. Nothing that I understand with all of me.
So now comes the hard part, the reaching through the murk when I’m still not feeling it, feet firmly against all this nothing and push…until my back breaks, until my heart gives out.
It starts right here. A pin point, a subtle change in flow…hold my breath until my fingertips tingle
Until I can feel me again
until I feel you
There we go…