It’s getting to be that time of year. The time of year that you are supposed to be thinking about giving…or maybe getting. I have instead been caught up in the meaty desperation of dealing with death. It’s is coming, but not yet…not mine. Her’s . I am currently on a perpetual muzak life hold. Hurry up and wait. Hurry up and wait. Stuck in a perpetual cycle of looking in the face of something I would prefer not having to look upon. Mortality, oh yes we all have it, all children learn eventually, that there is no such thing as a superhero. These things happen, people say. These things happen.
And, I feel lost and childish stomping my feet and demanding to go. I don’t want to play anymore. It’s not fair. IT IS NOT FAIR. it’s not fair that little boys can’t save grandma’s. that they already they have to learn what powerless feels like. It’s not fair that the most incredible woman I know should be forced to watch her body and mind wither and fade before she dies.
It’s not fair
I say it over and over again until it sounds as meaningless as it is
It’s not nice…it is however unstoppable
all I can possibly do is rearrange my thinking, remember to take the time, to spend the days loving her has hard as I can. I am thankful that I have any months, these months to be with her the best I can.
So Instead of saying it’s not fair. I will say thank you