The Science of Standing Still

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Some days I get to feeling overwhelmed, there is so much violence and anger in the world, so much hatred.

Islamphobia, racism, xenophobia, sexism, transphobia, homophobia, the list goes on and on. Each year of my life as a parent, as my eyes have been opened wider and wider to the horrors and hatreds of the universe, the things my privileges allowed me to ignore, the self loathing and judgement my internalization caused and perpetuated towards myself and people who shared the same path with me.

Today they come flooding in, my eyes free of blinders, free of self hatred and apathy, free of self destructive fuck it all anyway nihilism. They come flooding in and I get overwhelmed. I want to lay down for a while…an hour or day…a week…for a time anyway, rest. But how can I sit down when so many people can not? How can I rest when some of my children are less safe then their siblings due to race and sex? How can I take a break when there are millions, if not billions of people who do not have the luxury of taking a break from the fear, hatred, and violence visited upon them?

So it is always time for me to let the feeling of overwhelmed flow over and through me, to not let it drag me down, to stay standing, to keep putting one foot in front of the other so to speak. I will not pout and stomp like a spoiled child or wail and wring my hands. Hopefully if I stand long enough, my children will be not have to stand so long.

I am no savior or hero, I don’t deserve any cuddles, cookies, or a softer place to land for being human, for doing the thing that we should all be doing, saving space for those around us who can’t sit down yet.

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