I have been feeling like a ghost lately.
Stretched out and thin
It’s that old asthma again rearing it’s ugly head. I haven’t been able to do anything outside of raise my kids and run the odd errand for months..maybe a year or two.
I have a normal enough life as long as I don’t expose myself to triggers, which means no going anywhere really, chemicals, smokes, cleaning products, laughing, talking, leaning over, vibrations, low quality air, perfumes, and slouching are all among my many many many triggers. But within those restrictions l live a life that makes my heart full, most of the time.
My isolation outside of family is so complete…no don’t worry, even if you wanted to come over and the kids weren’t napping and were up to it, I probably wouldn’t be able to handle the strain. People try, I’m rarely able.
Regardless, lately I have been feeling invisible, like the shell of my former self, knocking around in the remnants of my life. I have so much to be joyful for…and so many limitations as with anyone.
To try and feel more present, solid, and relevant I am going to start taking pictures of myself during every breathing treatment. Documenting my life, such as it is. So that I may remember the fullness of my moments.This is my start, because I am not dead, I am still here, just trying to breathe.