It has been a hard month
There is the grinding pressure of chronic illness, my associated limitations, and the poverty it has caused us. That is combined with the ever present anxiety, sensory, processing, and social disconnect that living in this universe seems to cause me. The dysphoria, self doubt, and perpetual, confused, aggressive, forced, closeting of being a person who doesn’t pass as cisgender, in a relationship that is usually misread as heterosexual because there are children. Lastly, there is the pervasive, insidious poison of racism which is an incessant assault on my partners, family, and loved ones. The world’s indifference to my partner’s deep soul pain. There is no bandage for his sadness. No easy cure.
We hold each other here in our little patch of light, holding back an entire universe
Still the anxiety creeps up and over our bodies, pushing it’s cold tendrils into our skin, eyes, ears, nose, and hearts.
Weighing us down. Heavy.
Making it difficult to move
I would sing you songs, write you beautiful tales, fill the world with magic and quirky heroics, if I could find the words. If I could find any words.
Maybe next week
Today I am here in this small patch of light
With my family
With our love
Holding back the universe