So here we are on the edge of this great abyss, whether we wanted to be or not. No amount of tears or fears have held the beast at bay.
We are stuck with this
This twilight hour
I wonder if my younger self could have believed in my life time we would be living in another civil rights era…a reactionary conservative climate filled with lost social progress…maybe even a second relative dark age. What will they call these times in the future I wonder? Not the summer of love, that much is certain.
So here I am, looking into the future with grim determination, will I have health insurance? could I die of medical neglect unable to get the medication I need to breathe? How dangerous will it get exactly to be as obviously gender non-conforming as I am? Will my children be allowed an education? Will any of us be able to live in peace, being so different in so many ways? Will my daughters with their rich brown skin and beautiful curls be safe playing outside? At the grocery store? Will my sons with their gentle androgynous demeanors and nuerodivergent perspectives be safe being themselves? Will my husband survive the thousands of trips outside of the house he will have to make in a white, conservative town, minding his own business, living his life? What of my loved ones to far away to hold and comfort, and all the vulnerability in their lives and lived experience? What about all the people in this world who are holding on…or not…in these grim times?
I have more questions than answers, more fears than assurances
The one thing I know is that I personally can not give up, I can not imply to “them” that they are right, that I have no right to life or decency.
Sometimes I do give up still, every day, every hour
I rage. I cry.
I beg the heavens
Please. Fuck. Please please please
I am determined to get back up every single time I fall down, to regroup when I fall apart.
We deserve to live dammit!
We deserve to live without fear.
We all do
So I will do all I can to fight, to stay alive to keep my kids safe, to keep your kids safe too, to keep you safe, to offer hope and solace in any and every way I can, to keep learning and trying to do better.
I will keep going
I will keep trying
I will keep striving
Keep breathing my loves, please stay safe