Still Slowly Sinking

I have been laying low in this deep abyss of unwell for awhile now. 

Sickness, chronic illness, new levels of fatigue and pain, life stress, life stress, life stress, dysphoria, constant misgendering, anxiety, severe over stimulation/autistic burnout, depression, insomnia, intrusive thoughts. 

I have nothing left to emotionally resonate with right now. I have no patience. I can barely function. I do not have it in me to kindly and gently convince people I have a right to just be. If you feel entitled to a kid glove experience you will have to get back to me later, try again this summer. 

In the meantime I will be reserving my energy for taking care of myself and my family, doing my best to dismantle this white supremacist, bigoted shit show, both around me in my communities and rooting out that which has grown in me from a life time of living in it, earn what money I can to contribute to the well being of my family while respecting the numerous limitations of my sickly body, and doing my best to find peace within myself in the face of having my gender identity constantly dismissed and knowing my flesh will likely never communicate the masculine identity that lives within. 

Trans ally cookies are just not on the menu right now. 

I know I am not alone either. So many people who have been marginalized by society, especially IBPoC, women and femmes of color, whom are usually, if not always further oppressed within queer, transgender, and chronic illness/disability/neurodivergence communities, by racist and/or anti-black supposed peers, are running on emotional fumes, and have been since long before Trump took office. 

Allies: if you can afford to, pay the people who expend time, precious resources, and life force teaching you about their right to live. Understand how truly fucking exhausting it is to do that. If you can’t afford to pay folks think of ways you can contribute in terms of time, boosting voices, and learning to be more brave in supporting the people you wish to ally yourself with. 

here is a list of talented queer, trans, and IBPoC writers and artists I know personally whom you can support

For all my folks who are also struggling. I see you. I hear you. I care about you and your life. I will do my best to be there when I should be in whatever way I can. Whether that is listening, speaking up, connecting, signal boosting, guest post space, and putting my money where my mouth is any time I can. 

We all need to keep breathing, one way or another. 

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One thought on “Still Slowly Sinking

  1. It gets so tiring. I can relate to so much of this. Being marginalized and socially isolated is about the most dehumanizing thing there is. Most people don’t get it.

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