Fuck I’m exhausted.
Which words am I supposed to find, and arrange in perfect artistic harmony before the exhaustion worms it’s way from my bones, saturating my muscles and tendons?
The drum beat of my tired heart
Can’t I just take a nap? All the naps? I want to rest for a night or a lifetime.
I want to feel strong again
Body is as body does
Body tries at least
Tries to breathe, be productive, contribute to my family, to communicate, to understand, to convince people to see me as I am, not suited to this binary system, stim stim stimming my life happily away.
I’ll take a hot bath, dark room, and fuzzy blanket for one please
Parameters of what I am and what I am allowed to be drawn and re-drawn in your personal context
Come hell or high water they say
Not your inspiration
Not your anything.
If only gravity didn’t weigh so heavily on me
Every cell in my body being dragged down into cold, dry, dust
I’m just so fucking tired
I reiterate ad nauseum
The body no longer works as requested
Wheezing lungs, energy lost, pain creeping in and up
My reflection denies the labels of the flesh
hungry masses parcel my body
Labeled with their personal gender expectations
Stamped in comic high relief
hips and ass
Lips and tits
All this I refuse, leave it dripping off my fingertips
To pool, curdling at my feet