In Memory, Little Brother

I want to eat ice cream and drink coffee until it all comes back up

surely some despair could be emptied out with all the caffeine and chocolate

i want to drink my self numb 

take the edge off your loss 

even the tiniest little bit 

for an hour or a minute

i want to scream until my throat bleeds 

punch things until bones break 

and though self destruction is in our family bones

no amount of sacrifice can bring you back

if only i could balance a piece of flesh and soul against your resurrection

gone forever

forever rings in my ears like judgment now

a cruel decree

How can I even breathe when you never will?  

I am not sure anything will ever feel fair again  

~~~~~~~~~~

Matt Day

Most stubborn and Most Beloved

9/10/1983 – 1/26/2019

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